I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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