Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Randomize
