I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
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His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
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Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
the liver wants what the liver wants
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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