My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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