did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
