I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
That's when you crack a 10am beer
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
