opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
