Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
