I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
