Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Randomize
