just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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