do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
