if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
