Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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