I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I wear drunk well.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
