I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
