I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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