To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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