If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Randomize
