Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
