So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
