My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
