this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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