I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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