Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
high people should be assigned attendants
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize