Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
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He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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