There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
