You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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