Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
