can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Randomize
