I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
