don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Alive.
So much puke
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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