she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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