Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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