dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
