I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
