i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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