If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
