we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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