"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
