U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
