I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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