Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
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Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
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Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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