You're my little dorito
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
now i know why i became what i already was.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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