Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
