I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
