I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
