we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
