so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
