apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
