he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.