i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house