Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
i now understand why vodka
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober