Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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