ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
