i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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