oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I wish i was in the wii world.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
