I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
