i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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