I wanna passion pit in your ass
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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