i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
