Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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