Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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