we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
My pussy is not your playground.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
