Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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