can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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