i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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