I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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